Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
