i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
