She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize