Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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