he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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