Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize