Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
