nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
