Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
