I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
