good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
