you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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