He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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