I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well most of my day revolves around power hour
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
