Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
