i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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