Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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