I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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