worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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