Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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