I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize