I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
