Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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