We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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