The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize