i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
