you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
