Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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