My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize