1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
