he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
