Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
