accomplished twins. life is a go
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
