I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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