I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
