I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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