if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
