reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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