Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
