Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
