feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
