There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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