we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
time to smoke my breakfast
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
