Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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