i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
