Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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