I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
