Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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