So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize