had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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