Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize