So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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