Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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