if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
