...so i touched it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
