the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
