A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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