Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
