dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
