I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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