I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
