Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
