My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
