distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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