Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
