one might say we're banned from that church
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
not ubering you a puppy
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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