so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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