fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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