i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
