sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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