The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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