dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
